Archive for year: 2011

Have you run across the bitter pill called OBLIGATION — with family, friends, churches, temples, schools, etc., etc.?

First, let’s define obligation from the Merriam Webster dictionary, to make sure we are all on the same page here:

Obligation:  to cause (a person) to give in to pressure or to bind legally or morally : constrain

Yes, it is a constraint, especially when done morally.  Legally, well, you can fight the law if you must — but when a family member or a church friend obligates you to do such and such, there is little choice but to succumb or to deal with the repercussions of not following THEIR obligation properly.

LOL

OK, I’m not one to be constrained, or at least not very well, being the hummingbird that I am.  Yet, I’ve dealt with more constraint than most.  It’s interesting, when you run from something, it has a way to catch you on your blind side.

Now, I can honestly say that I never want to feel obligated, or constrained, again.  Of course, I am obliged to perform my professional duties, as I am receiving much appreciated income in return.

I am obliged to be as good a mother as possible, as God has blessed me with precious children that require my care and love.

In the same breath, however, I will not allow close relationships or church memberships to obligate me to do or be something that is not what I want to do or be!

I’ve been stewing on this obligations thing for awhile now, as it has always made my skin crawl, yet so many live in this fashion, and think it is OK.

My point in all of this is that maybe we can all try something new and RAISE the vibration of communities today –> instead of obligating a person, why not honor that person for who she / he is to you, and request for help (or whatever) with NO expectations or demands.  With humility and gratitude.

Maybe we can try to transform obligation from irritation to a celebration, where we celebrate one another and our gifts that we share together!

A M E N

Lady Clarity / Wendy Sue

Soon, I will share what my most magnificent and awesome 4th year celebration looks like (still in it!) — watch this space:

What a day, my friend.

Today is my one year anniversary… of what, you ask?

Well, of total freedom, tremendous difficulties and learning how to truly trust God — to let go and let God. 

Exactly one year from today, on September 29, 2007 — my (supposedly) spiritual husband of 10 years threw me out on the street with a totally false temporary restraining order against me to (supposedly) protect him and our 5 children (because I was no longer under his spell).

On 9/27/07 — I was homeless, childless and penniless.  Oh yes, and let’s add friendless (as my ex made sure that I had no friends — part of his demonic control over me) and family-less –> as I am from Boston, and all my relatives are back East.

Sounds hopeless, yes?  You can bet that last year, at this exact time, I did not have any idea as to how I was going to survive such a dastardly attack on my entire being, and felt thoroughly hopeless and helpless. 

For a minute.

One of my ex’s ex-wives offered me her study to stay in while I got myself together.  If it wasn’t for her, I would have been sleeping in my car.

With the basics of a roof over my head and a warm smile and heart around me, I was able to gather myself together enough to find free legal help from a family law firm, and fight my ex for full custody of the children.

The biggest concern of my lawyers was how the Judge could possibly give me full custody of 5 children when I had no home, job or money?

That was a big one.  See, my ex transported all my children to his sister’s large home in Lancaster, where she not only has physical room for them to stay, but she never married and always wanted children… so, hey, she thought that she could have mine!

They truly believed that they could just get rid of me like that.

All I could do was pray and pray, cry and cry.  Didn’t see my children for 6 weeks, and it was killing me inside and out.  That was the hardest struggle during this year – to not being able to see, hold, kiss my babies.

So I gave myself to God totally — “My Lord, I have nothing but you.  No home, no children, no money, no family… so take me and do what You will — if you want me to have full custody of the children, so be it, I will do whatever I need to do to give them the best life I can.”

And with that commitment, and my surrender, true surrender — I won full custody, even without a home / money.

We’ve been through a very rocky road over this last year, with no doubt.  Stay tuned for a book to come — as it is not to impress but to inspire — to inspire anyone, any woman who believes that she needs to stay in a violent or abusive situation and that there is no way out.

There is — believe me.  With faith, confidence and love — with trust and strength — anything is possible.

Hey, we had 6 months of homelessness — 4 at a man’s home who turned out to be totally neurotic and verbally / mentally abusive (after selflessly offering us temporary shelter), 2 in a small motel room in a raunchy neighborhood (imagine, with 1 adult and 5 children — it was horrible!) to finally finding a home we could afford through Welfare’s help in May of 2008.

Then, after a month in our new home, Welfare sanctions my children and my benefits are substantially cut to almost nothing!!

Scared of being homeless again, I decided to fight Welfare, and just got worn down and no where fast.  Was told it is a huge bureaucratic system, and fighting it won’t get me anywhere.

So, I finally relaxed.  And, again, let go and let God.  Soon after, I made contact with an old colleague in San Francisco, where I used to live and work as a professional, and she hired me for a part-time consulting gig that I love, and that is paying my rent!  Work I can do at home on my own schedule.  Total blessing!

She told me how she was telling her husband over breakfast how she really needs help with this particular project and doesn’t know where to find it — out of the blue, her husband stated that maybe she needs to find someone who used to be in the (Internet) Industry, took some time off to have babies, and is now looking to come back.

He felt me — the Universe works that way when you enter the flow instead of control.

When we re-connected, she was amazed that I was a mom looking to come back, and finds our work together “magical”.

How did I spend my day?  Well, I worked in the morning.  Then took myself out for lunch, and then to a local park for a lovely walk around a lake, where I hugged ancient trees and communed with busy squirrels securing their nuts for the winter.  Quacked with the ducks and enjoyed the sun playing hide and seek in and out of the clouds.

Now it is late evening, and I am celebrating my anniversary with some champagne and enchanting music.

Oh yes, it is also Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.   Was born into a Jewish family, and honoring my roots, so I have two major celebrations in one!!

Thank you for listening, reading and being a part of my magnificent day.

God bless you,

Wendy Sue / Lady Clarity

Want to share a concept which I’ve known for a long time, but am finally really getting it!

We take things WAY too personal, when 99% of the time, it truly has nothing to do with us, personally!

I’m looking at several layers here.

There is the racist, anti-semitic, homophobic, etc., arena — where someone or someones don’t like you because of your skin color, religion, sexual preference. 

Again, that is not PERSONAL.  It is ignorance on the part of the person who chooses to hate a group of people for whatever reason, mostly because they are taught such through their families, religion, community.  Whatever.

I’ve dealt with a lot of anti-semitism growing up Jewish, and of course, took it personally. 

One experience left me wounded for months, as I was dancing at a club with a handsome man, and we were flirting and having fun together.  Then he asked me why I was still at college during Easter weekend.  When I explained that I did not celebrate Easter, as I was Jewish, he literally went into shock, put down his beer, and RAN out of the bar!!

Was that personal?!

Anyway, I also dealt with what I call “reverse racism”, as I had married a black man, and was part of a black family.  When our babies popped out white in color, my mother-in-law (at the time) asked me in distress, “no offense or anything, but WHY are my grandchildren so white?!” with horror in her eyes.

LOL

In the same breath, I find myself taking things personally when a friend does not call me back for a few days, or maybe makes a comment that seemed judgmental or whatever.

So this week, I’ve taken the “I must have done something wrong” self-talk, and realized (with real eyes) that it is not about me at all — just like the racism discussion above, everyone has their own stuff, and whether or not we provoke someone’s stuff, or not, it’s mostly not about US.

“It’s none of my business what others think of me”, states wise Wayne Dyer.

As long as we continue to be and do the best we can, then we can smile and know that ALL is WELL!!

Have a magnificent weekend!!

Wendy Sue / Lady Clarity