Boundaries for Peace

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Boundaries and peace are usually not put together as a concept, yet I’ve found that without establishing personal boundaries, there will be no peace.

Let me expand my reasoning here…

See, when I lived back East, my blood family didn’t understand boundaries.  My life was theirs, and that was that.  I felt suffocated and did not appreciate being vicariously lived through.

So, I took a HUGE leap, and moved cross country to San Francisco, 1-way ticket, saying goodbye to family and friends.  Didn’t know anyone in California, but I did know intuitively that this is where I belong, where I will shine and prosper.

Little did I know that I would be a single mom of 5, with no family in sight to help me! 

However, I chose this path, and realize that I am actually blessed, because now I can pick and choose my spiritual family instead of trying to change my blood family to fit into my world.

Due to this reality, I am more free than ever, yet have more responsibility than ever.  I would choose freedom and peace over responsibility ANY DAY!  Wouldn’t you?

There have been people who have come and gone from our lives, because the boundaries that I set and communicated as to how I raise my children, as the Head of the Household, was disregarded.  And so, then, was the relationship.

My point in sharing this is the empowerment and peace we experience when we communicate clearly what it is that we will accept, and what we will not. 

Establishing personal boundaries is essential!

And, then we have the conscious choice to “put up” with someone who does not respect us, or to move forward with respect for ourselves.

When you develop a community around you that is aligned with you and your lifestyle, then there will be peace, and you will flourish!

So please open up to the possibilities of communicating your boundaries to your loved ones, with love and care, of course.

First, you might need to dig deep a bit and figure out what your boundaries are, as it isn’t really taught for us to look at this, as we are supposed to be nice, even if it leaves us feeling upset or out of sorts.

Try writing it down first, then communicate it to a few select people that you feel closest to.

Then let me know how it goes!!

Love to you,

Wendy Sue / Lady Clarity

“I was blind, but now I see ~ hence the name, Lady Clarity”. 
http://www.LadyClarity.com

Is it really about you?

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Hello my friend,

Want to share a concept which I’ve known for a long time, but am finally really getting it!

We take things WAY too personal, when 99% of the time, it truly has nothing to do with us, personally!

I’m looking at several layers here.

There is the racist, anti-semitic, homophobic, etc., arena — where someone or someones don’t like you because of your skin color, religion, sexual preference. 

Again, that is not PERSONAL.  It is ignorance on the part of the person who chooses to hate a group of people for whatever reason, mostly because they are taught such through their families, religion, community.  Whatever.

I’ve dealt with a lot of anti-semitism growing up Jewish, and of course, took it personally. 

One experience left me wounded for months, as I was dancing at a club with a handsome man, and we were flirting and having fun together.  Then he asked me why I was still at college during Easter weekend.  When I explained that I did not celebrate Easter, as I was Jewish, he literally went into shock, put down his beer, and RAN out of the bar!!

Was that personal?!

Anyway, I also dealt with what I call “reverse racism”, as I had married a black man, and was part of a black family.  When our babies popped out white in color, my mother-in-law (at the time) asked me in distress, “no offense or anything, but WHY are my grandchildren so white?!” with horror in her eyes.

LOL

In the same breath, I find myself taking things personally when a friend does not call me back for a few days, or maybe makes a comment that seemed judgmental or whatever.

So this week, I’ve taken the “I must have done something wrong” self-talk, and realized (with real eyes) that it is not about me at all — just like the racism discussion above, everyone has their own stuff, and whether or not we provoke someone’s stuff, or not, it’s mostly not about US.

“It’s none of my business what others think of me”, states wise Wayne Dyer.

As long as we continue to be and do the best we can, then we can smile and know that ALL is WELL!!

Have a magnificent weekend!!

Wendy Sue / Lady Clarity

“I was blind, but now I see ~ hence the name, Lady Clarity”. 
http://www.LadyClarity.com

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” – Gandhi

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Dear Friend,

Let’s take Gandhi’s insightful quote a step further.

Of course, we’ve all heard of “what goes around comes around” or “what you sow is what you reap” or just good ol’ karma.  Yes?

So we know that revenge only hurts us in the long run.  By interacting with hurt through retaliation, we are, in fact hurting ourselves.

With my own past experience, and with so many others around me, we have A LOT of reasons to feel anger, to feel justified and to get revenge.

However, the law of karma goes like this:  since you want a beautiful peaceful blissed life, you want to offer such to others, even if it seems to you at the moment that they do not deserve it.

Let me take it from another perspective.  You get in a disagreement with a friend, spouse, relative.  Instead of the usual reaction, take a step back and enter into reflection.  Breathe. 

Allow yourself to see from the other person’s eyes how you may have been responsible, to whatever degree, for the disagreement, even if you disagree!  LOL

Then remember your love for this person.  Feel compassion and mercy.  Remember a time when you weren’t so nice to whomever for whatever reason.

After the reflection, and the compassion, return to your friend, spouse, relative and apologize for anything you may have done to upset them. 

Then share your perspective, as well — what hurt you.  No accusation, just explanation.

Try it, you’ll like it.  It really works to bring peace into relationships we care about, instead of going into anger, denial, rage, self-pity, etc., etc.!

NOW, this is the most challenging part — we also deal with perpetrators who are not close to us, strangers who hurt us.  What do we do then?

Of course, if necessary and possible, take legal action, or anything required of this world to protect you.  And then… ready for this ~ bless them. 

Yes, you heard me.  Send them love, light and prayers, hoping and believing that they will find a better way to live their life.

Bless your friends and your enemies, and you, my friend, will be BLESSED!!

Love you,

Wendy Sue aka Lady Clarity

“I was blind, but now I see ~ hence the name, Lady Clarity”. 
http://www.LadyClarity.com

“Be the change YOU want to see in the world” – Gandhi

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This is one of my all time favorite quotes, so simple, so profound, yet so misunderstood.

What is change to you?

Is change a new haircut?  New outfit?

Or maybe a new job?  New home?

OK, yes, this is change, in the sense of something OUTSIDE of you has been altered.

A funny example that flashed through my mind this morning while brushing my teeth –> every single hairstylist I’ve had (since beyond the 70’s, where I was young and wanted to fit in with straight hair), has been amazed that I actually LIKE my curly hair, and thank God for the blessing of it on a daily basis!

All of my hairstylists share with me that it is common law that a person is ALWAYS unhappy with their hair — if it’s straight, they want it curly; if it’s curly, they want it straight, and on and on.

So, the story goes that I visit my hairstylist for a trim, and he decides to STRAIGHTEN my hair, just to show me how good I look in another style than the one God gave to me.  It’s like he was uncomfortable with me being so comfortable with me, my hair.

Of course, my kids and everyone I ran into that day LOVED my new straight hair style.  And, I admit, it was a nice CHANGE, a temporary external change.

BUT the change I’m talking about, that Gandhi’s famous quote is about, has to do with INNER change, more like transformation of how we choose to live, every single day.

For example, instead of fear, choose love.  Instead of envy, choose generosity.  Instead of anger, choose forgiveness.

That is the kind of change we all need to focus on so to make this world a brighter place for me, for you, for ALL!

And so it is…

AMEN!

“I was blind, but now I see ~ hence the name, Lady Clarity”. 
http://www.LadyClarity.com

Best Poem Ever

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Even though I’ve read this poem before, it is truly a remarkable reminder to be all that we are, and can be…  xoxo

Even if you’ve read it before, enjoy it again….
INSPIRING EMAIL
MAYA ANGELOU’S
BEST POEM EVER

  

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she’s content to leave behind….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …….

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a feeling of control over her destiny…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to fall in love without losing herself..

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship….


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW….

when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more..
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .

whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…


SEND THIS TO 3 WOMEN….

You will let 3 great women know that you are thinking of them …

SEND THIS TO 6 WOMEN….

You will feel great all day …

or if nothing else…
you know that you are truly loved and thought of by the friend,
who sent this to you… and that she only wishes the best for you and your life…



AND REMEMBER:

GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS.

YOU DON’T ALWAYS SEE THEM,

BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!

“I wish you enough”

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In my recent visit to Unity Church in Monterey Bay, the Minister, Vicky Elder, read a most poignant poem about the theme, “enough”, which is a very powerful concept, as we always want more and more, and are never satisfied….

With all of God’s blessings as ENOUGH!!

I think this poem encapsulates such, written by Bob Perks, called “I wish you enough”:

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye.”

WOW!!

Have a most blessed enough kind of day!

Wendy Sue

“Every saint has a past and every sinner, a future”  Oscar Wilde

My published article today in “The Daily Breeze”

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Hello,

Hope this email finds you well, inside and out!

Please find my published article today, in the “Daily Breeze” (LA / South Bay daily paper) at:

http://www.dailybreeze.com/ci_17150695

Thank you so much for being a part of our life, and a part of our blessings!!

You are blessed!

Hugs and love,

Wendy Sue

“Living Happily Ever After, how ’bout you?”

Eye of the Beholder or the Media?

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As a Mass Communications major in college, I am still blown away by the social implications of mass media, which also includes the Internet.  How we see ourselves and others — is it geared by our own heart or the influence of the media / social norms?

Anyway, this comes up as my best friend, who is a slimming (weight loss) expert and author, and I got into another round of debates about what it means to be overweight, or even what it means to be overly concerned (obsessed?) with losing weight.

The media shows us that if you are not tall, slender and almost anorexic, then you are not beautiful.  We know that is faulty, yet we all yearn to look like these stick figures!  Some of them look unhealthy to me, and as I age gracefully and peacefully, I notice how much I enjoy my more curvaceous womanly body. 

Sure, I could easily lose 10 pounds to lose some of my belly (which five 8 lb. + babies popped out of, stretching it real good!), and maybe even a little extra on the thighs, but to be perfectly honest, it feels like more cushion to hold my children in, more to look at!

And am I ever good to look at!!  LOL  ;-))

Same with wrinkles, gray hair, etc.  All this fear about aging and, oh my God… actually looking your age!  My cousin thought she was complementing me when I posted on Facebook that I’m soon to turn 44, and how 4 is my favorite # — she says, “Oh my!  You can’t be THAT old, you sure don’t look it!”   So, what is 44 supposed to look like?!  Old and droopy?!

Botox has made so much $$ on woman’s vanity and inability to accept themselves.  Don’t get me wrong, I do purchase wrinkle free moisturizers (when I can afford it), and who knows, maybe one day I will sit under the knife, though I highly doubt it.

I henna my hair, as I did in college.  I love it, it is all natural, straight from God and brightens and conditions my hair with no peroxide!  Would I color the gray if I didn’t have my dear henna?  Probably…

It’s not about trying to lose weight, be wrinkle or gray free, as much as it is about accepting who we are as we age, even if we don’t match the so-called beauty on the TV set.  Anyway, beauty is skin-deep.  The real beauty is something that radiates from the inside out.

That being said — age well, age in peace, and age is all in the mind anyway!  I’m going to play hopscotch with my daughter now.

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  Relax.  All is well!”

To judge, or not to judge — that is the question!

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** Mosaic done by my best friend, Anges de Lumiere **

 

Hello my friend,

To judge or not to judge, that is my question today.  Actually, it’s been a pondering question for many decades now, and today I feel like answering it from one (of many) angles.

Recently, I ran into a lot of things that people did in my intimate circle that I did not like, and was ready to drop them out of my (our) life.  It’s because I judged the way they acted as being less than the treatment that I deserve from them.

So do I think I’m someone special.  Yes, I do.

Don’t we all?

Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with so much abuse, from my dad to my ex-husband, that I refuse to ever deal with anyone who treats me less than, what I consider to be, loving and kind.

So how can I judge others, and expect their behavior to be exemplary, when mine isn’t?!

Am I really dropping them or running away from them?  Maybe I’m seeing a reflection of me that I don’t want to see.   Or maybe I’m seeing that my expectations are way too high, and that none of us are perfect.

So, I’ve kept on with all of my relationships despite myself, and since then, they have all filled me up with love, sweetness, tenderness and generosity.

Maybe it was a bad week or two.  Or maybe it was letting go of my judgments of the way they treated me and just getting real that made all the difference.

As I write this, I smell this delicious incense that was given to me freely, as a generous gift, from one of the people I got frustrated with.

Life is so beautiful, and we are all so beautiful.  We don’t always act beautiful, and that is OK.  Bottom line is, let’s stop judging, holding on to grudges, and smell that fragrant incense of love!

Have a magnificent weekend, and God bless you,

Wendy Sue / Lady Clarity

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  Relax.  All is well!” 

“See you in Heaven”

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me and mom

 

UPDATE:  my mother passed away peacefully on June 4th, 2012.  This blog describes my last encounter with her in human form, though she has visited me several times since, taking the form of a hummingbird, my favorite bird.

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My dear mother has had a debilitation disease for almost 2 decades now, and it is finally at the end of its cycle, taking all of her physical abilities and almost all of her mental capacities.

My Aunt called me to let me know that she is at the end of her life line, and it may be a good thing to visit with her, before she transitions from this life.

My mom is in a nursing home in New Jersey, across the country from my home in Los Angeles.  Due to the fact that I’m a single mom with 5 children, I knew that it was going to take a lot of faith and Divine manifestation to get over there for a visit.

After a week or so, once I let go of the frustration and anxiety, and let God, I received the $$ from family for the round-trip flight, and a few good friends volunteered to care for my precious children while I was away.

So I was off.

Haven’t seen my mom in 3 years, and was choked up inside and out when I first saw her in her current condition.  Even with the preparation from my family, I was not ready to see my mom in a body that no longer works for her.  I was not ready to see how she aged in every way, shape and form, and had very little spark or hope in her eyes, which was closed most of the time.

I tried to converse with her about many things, including updates of her grandchildren and me, and it felt like I was speaking to a brick wall.  It was frustrating, at first.  Then I lightened up, and was just with her.  Holding her hand, hugging her, loving her.

We took a stroll (in her wheelchair) in the nursing home’s garden, where we heard birds sing and saw many lovely plants and trees.  She hasn’t felt sun or fresh air in a long time, and I could feel her spirits lift.  Even asked her questions about our surroundings, and she answered in one syllable answers, letting me know she was present.

My last day with her, ran into a musician who was on her way to put on a performance for the residents.  Asked my mom if she wanted to hear some music, and she enthusiastically (very rare) nodded her head yes.  So we went, and she moved in spirit to the rhythm, and her eyes were opened more than ever.  I even danced with her arms, and sang to her (even though she has always told me that she did not like to hear me sing, I didn’t care!).

The most special thing was all the smiles I received from her, which my Aunt told me was rare, and very special.  Indeed.

After the concert (well, sort of), I painted her nails with a lovely rose color, washed her crusty face and brushed her beautiful silver gray hair.  When I left, she actually looked much better!

Had a few minutes alone with her before I departed, and I thanked her for being such a loving supportive mother.  I surrounded her with love and light, and massaged her body with healing energy, and then informed her that:

“I will see you again in Heaven.  Just let go and let God.  You are in good hands, and greatly loved.”

Hugged her one more time, kissed her on the lips… and left her in peace.

“Everything you can imagine is real.”—Pablo Picasso